Yo Ho and a Bottle of Rum
by Kyarorain
Summary: Isaac and his crew of pirate Adepts set out for another adventure. However, things start to go a little awry.


**Yo Ho and a Bottle of Rum**

* * *

I was in a mood to write another fic about Isaac and co. playing as pirates. Hail Isaac the Pirate King!

Camelot owns Golden Sun.

* * *

"Isaac, don't you think you should have asked before you painted on the side of Piers's ship?" Ivan asked the older Adept, sounding exasperated. He felt sorry for Piers, who was now sobbing wretchedly on a crate about his ship being desecrated.

"But the ship has to have a name," Isaac protested, not looking sorry in the least. "Anyway, what's wrong with the name The Happy Raider? I think it's a nice name." He had just looked in a big book of pirate ship names and picked one that sounded the least threatening.

"I don't know what Piers is crying about." Jenna came over, a big grin plastered on her face. "It's a great name. Now that our ship has a flag and a proper name, we can go and have some real pirate adventures!" She punched the air enthusiastically.

"Okay, Felix, start sailing this ship!" Isaac called out to Felix, who was hanging by the tiller with a bored expression on his face. He looked at Isaac in annoyance.

"Last time I checked, you didn't own this ship. Why do you get to order me around?" Felix asked, folding his arms and looking as haughty as he possibly could.

Jenna was immediately standing in front of him with a homicidal expression on her face. "Just get sailing already!" she demanded in her loudest and most demonic sounding voice.

That voice reduced Felix to a quivering wreck and he turned his attention back to the steering wheel, letting out a terrified whimper. "Okay, okay, I'll start now." He took hold of the tiller and the ship began to move.

"Scary," Ivan muttered, his eyes widening. It was true, Jenna could be pretty temperamental at times, but he rarely got to see her in one of her really scary moods. "Do you think it might be that time of the month?"

"With Jenna? It's hard to tell, honestly." Isaac winked. "Anyway, I'm off to get some rum. We can't have a proper pirate voyage without some rum." He headed off into the cabin.

"My beautiful ship." Piers held his head in his hands. "The Happy Raider? I just don't get it. I mean, we've never even raided any towns."

"That's true," Jenna said, coming over to sit on a crate. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to raid one or two. Maybe Suhalla or Mikasalla, because they are such small and boring places." When she noticed Piers's appalled expression, she rolled her eyes. "I was just kidding!"

"Really?" Piers asked doubtfully. He sure hoped they wouldn't start raiding and especially not on his precious ship. The last thing he needed was to wind up back in jail and his Black Orb being confiscated again. That just wouldn't do at all. "Hey, you don't think we might get jailed just for being pirates, do you?"

"Don't be so paranoid, Piers." Jenna giggled. "If anybody tries to jail us, I'll just set them on fire and they will run away screaming. It's that easy."

Was she joking again? Piers really wasn't sure, so he settled for looking mournfully up at the seagulls winging their way through the sky. He had managed to get over his phobia of birds now and found that he liked to watch the seagulls again. Still, he couldn't quite get his mind off what Isaac had done to his ship.

Isaac returned to the deck, with Garet behind him. Both of them were holding cups filled with what was surely rum.

"I hope we get to do something exciting for a change," Garet said animatedly. "Sailing around all the time gets a bit boring."

"Yeah, but seeing as we're supposed to be good pirates, there's not much we can do. Maybe we could try searching for buried treasure again." Isaac took a swig of rum and sighed appreciatively. "I love this stuff so much."

"Yeah, rum's great. Pirates really do have good taste," Garet agreed. "Let's sing a merry pirate song. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..."

"Oh brother." Ivan shook his head as Isaac and Garet started singing together. "How much rum have they drank already?" He certainly had not drank any rum since that last unfortunate incident when he and Sheba had got horribly drunk. It hadn't really been so fun when they were throwing up and falling asleep.

Felix listlessly stared at the tiller as he shifted it from left to right. A fly crawled across the smooth, polished wood. How come he had to be stuck tilling the ship all the time? He couldn't even have any rum, because nobody would let him sail this ship drunk. Hey, that was a good idea actually. If he got drunk off rum, then he wouldn't have to sail and somebody else could do it for a change.

Then again, how was he supposed to leave the tiller without anybody noticing him leaving? So much for that plan. It looked like he was stuck sailing as usual. Come to think of it, where was the ship even going? This was ridiculous. All Isaac had said was that they were setting out for adventure and that was it. Actually, he wouldn't mind having some adventure, considering that life was kind of dull lately.

Out of the corner of his eye, Felix saw Sheba come onto the deck and he immediately had an idea. "Hey, Sheba, could you come over here for a moment?" he called out to her.

Sheba hurried over, smiling at him. "What is it?" she asked.

This would work out. Sheba would do almost anything for him. Felix bent his head down, talking quietly. "I need some rum, but I can't leave the tiller. Could you please go and get me a very big mug of rum, and try not to let anybody see you?"

Sheba frowned. This sounded highly suspicious indeed. "A very big mug of rum? And you want me to do it in secret? Are you up to something that you shouldn't be?"

Felix put on his best puppy dog expression, making his eyes big and wide. "Please, Sheba? I'm very thirsty and I really need something to drink. Will you do it for me? Oh, and remember that I saved your life."

Sheba narrowed her eyes. "You can't use that to bribe me in doing everything for you."

"Yeah, I guess not." Felix sighed. "So, will you at least get me some rum please?"

"Okay, but don't go getting drunk." Sheba turned around and hurried back to the cabin. Felix sighed in relief. Finally, he could get a drink and try to enact his grand plan of getting out of sailing.

A minute later, Sheba returned, clutching the frothing mug close to her chest. She handed it over to him. "Is it really okay to drink and sail at the same time?"

Felix took a long sip of the delicious golden liquid and sighed in relief, then he smiled. "What do you think?"

Sheba shook her head wearily. She had a feeling that this day was going to be a disaster all of a sudden.

Mia was the last one to come out onto the deck. She walked over to the side of the ship and gazed out to sea. Isaac and Garet started to sing again and she looked over her shoulder with a faintly annoyed expression. Listening to them sing wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience in the world.

"Are they drunk already?" she asked in exasperation, looking at Ivan.

"If they aren't, they are getting pretty close to it." Ivan shrugged his shoulders and smiled sheepishly. It seemed that someone always got drunk on these little pirate adventures of theirs, but so long as nobody got hurt, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with it. "I think their singing might be bad enough to wake the dead."

"Oh, don't say that, Ivan." Mia shuddered and bit her bottom lip. "The last thing I want to see is Alex coming back from the dead. Perish the thought." It was bad enough that Alex had been a megalomaniac and tried to use them all to seize ultimate power, then he had to go and act like a clichéd pirate. Thank goodness Isaac had put an end to his wretched life.

Ivan chuckled dryly, a smile tugging at his lips. "Gosh, you really hated Alex, didn't you? Sure, none of us liked him very much, but you really seem to despise him."

"Well, he did just leave without a word and only come back to betray our clan. That, and the whole attempting to steal Alchemy thing," Mia said, pursing her lips together. "Alex wasn't such a nice person. I can't ever forgive him for all the things that he did."

Ivan winced as Isaac and Garet burst into rowdy laughter. "Oh yeah, they are definitely getting drunk," he said, with a resigned sigh.

* * *

Not too far from when Piers's ship, currently named The Happy Raider though whether that name actually stuck or not remained to be seen, was sailing across the sea, a large pirate ship coasted along the waves. Tattered sails flapped in the breeze and mean looking pirates trampled up and down the deck, waving cutlasses around for no reason. Some of them were swigging rum from mugs. The leader of this unruly gang of pirates was at the tiller, a large man with a huge white beard and an eye patch. A jaunty hat sat upon his head, a skull and crossbones emblazoned upon it.

This ship was known as The Pride of Hades, and the captain was quite proud of his ship. It was indeed a menacing sight to see upon the seas and smaller ships always turned around when they saw it, for fear of being plundered. They were right to flee, for the captain and his crew enjoyed nothing more than having a good plunder.

Right now, that was exactly what Captain Snowbeard and his crew was looking for. He was called that due to the fact he had started greying at a very young age and was actually only somewhere in his forties.

"Avast, me hearties!" Captain Snowbeard roared, his eye glinting with malice and excitement. "We're heading to the seas today to look for some booty! All we have to do is find a ship and rob it. Keep looking out for one, men, we will surely find a ship out here today!"

"Aye!" the men all chorused, eagerly scanning the horizon and hoping to catch sight of a ship. It didn't take too long before they saw a ship without sails. A black flag was flapping from the mast and some words had been painted on the side, identifying it as The Happy Raider.

"Sir!" a pirate yelled, running up to Captain Snowbeard. "We have just caught sight of what looks like another pirate ship on the port side, not too far from here, sir. It appears to be called The Happy Raider."

"The Happy Raider, eh? Never heard of it. What a ridiculous name." Captain Snowbeard stroked his beard and smiled, flashing a golden filling that glinted in the sun. "Then let's plunder that pathetic little pirate ship and get some booty. Men, get ready! Load the cannons and ready the ropes!"

The pirates started scurrying around the ship, getting ready for their latest plunder. The Pride of Hades drifted ever closer toward The Happy Raider and Captain Snowbeard licked his lip in anticipation. It had been a while now since their last great plunder and he was hoping to have another one. The ship itself seemed valuable as well and it would certainly fetch a good price somewhere, he was sure.

Eventually, the cannons were ready as were the ropes, with weighed anchors on the ends. Captain Snowbeard waited for the moment when he would issue the order.

* * *

Isaac and Garet were quite red faced by now and were on their third mugs of rum, laughing and singing drunkenly. It was amazing that they were still standing and that Jenna hadn't snapped and yelled at them for making such a ruckus. In fact, she was sitting among some barrels with her hands over her ears, and Mia was with her, doing the same thing.

"It's not working," Jenna complained. "Why do they have to be so noisy?"

"That's what happens when people get drunk." Mia shook her head. "Hey, do you think if we ask Isaac who he wants to be his queen while he's drunk, we'll get an answer?"

"I didn't think about that." Jenna's eyes widened. It didn't sound like such a bad idea. "But I guess it's a little unfair to take advantage of his state."

"Yeah, you're right." Mia exhaled deeply. "It was just an idea anyway."

Over at the tiller, Sheba was staring critically at Felix, who seemed a little flushed and his hands were slipping on the tiller. He definitely was not in any condition to be sailing a ship anymore.

"Felix. I think you've had enough rum now," Sheba stated.

"No, don't be shilly, of course I haven't," Felix mumbled, holding out his empty mug. "Get me more?"

"Is he drunk?" Ivan came over, staring at Felix in shock.

"No, I'm not!" Felix exclaimed, letting out a loud hiccup. "I'm just... a little shleepy."

Sheba sighed in irritation and took the mug. "I told you to be careful! You only had one mug of rum and you're already drunk? Were you trying to get drunk on purpose?"

"I think sho... can't remember why..." Felix rubbed his eyes and yawned. Why had he been trying to get drunk again? Oh yeah, wasn't it because he hadn't wanted to sail anymore? Now he just wanted to have some more rum and get even more drunk. It seemed kind of fun, much more fun than sailing, which he was finding really boring.

Sheba and Ivan exchanged exasperated glances. This really was ridiculous.

Piers was sitting up on the mast, having climbed up there so that he wouldn't have to listen to Isaac and Garet's loud singing. It was much more tolerable all the way up here. The Lemurian glanced at the flag, feeling tempted to rip it off and let it fly into the sea, but what would that achieve? Isaac would probably just stick another one up there anyway.

"The Happy Raider?" Piers muttered, resting his chin on one hand and sighing. "It's such a silly name. It does not suit my proud and beautiful ship." He gazed out to sea and caught sight of something that made his blood freeze.

A very large ship was suddenly looming over them. It had to be at least as twice as tall as this ship was, and judging by the skull and crossbones on the sails, it was most definitely a pirate ship. This was definitely not good. Piers swallowed a lump in his throat nervously. Never before on their travels had they had to deal with real pirates. Well, Isaac and his buddies had fought some ghost pirate once, hence Isaac earning that dratted title in the first place, and then there were the fake pirates.

Real pirates, though, were a very different matter. It suddenly occurred to Piers that at least two members of the crew were drunk right now, which was definitely not a good thing. He uttered a few loud curse words in Ancient Lemurian.

Then the ship rocked heavily, as cannon balls plowed into the side.

Isaac landed on his face. Garet rather unceremoniously landed on his bottom.

"Wow." The Mars Adept shook his head, looking bewildered. "How drunk are we?"

"Huh?" Isaac blinked, looking up at the pirate ship. "Where did that come from?" he mumbled drunkenly. The alcohol had completely fogged his mind by now and he could barely even think straight.

Sheba and Ivan had both gone flying, crashing into the side of the ship. Felix had somehow been able to grab onto the tiller in time and prevented himself from sliding across the deck.

"Ow!" Sheba moaned. "Did we hit something? This is all your fault for getting drunk, Felix!"

"Uh, Sheba, Felix wasn't even doing anything." Ivan pointed at the pirate ship.

"Oh." Sheba blinked slowly. "You know, this is a really bad time for us to be getting attacked by a pirate ship."

"No kidding." Ivan grimaced. With three of their companions drunk, they were definitely at a disadvantage. Were Felix, Isaac and Garet even capable of fighting in a drunken state or would they just create more chaos?

Felix slumped against the tiller, shaking his head. "Sheriously. The one time I get drunk shailing, we get attacked by a freaking pirate ship? Hic."

"What is going on?" Jenna stood up, looking at the pirate ship. "Oh, great. We're under attack by pirates. Well, whatever. We can definitely handle them." She ran across the deck to the front of the ship.

Mia stayed where she was, looking completely exasperated. This was so ridiculous, she just wanted to stay right there among the barrels and wait for it to be over. Anyway, Jenna was right, they could handle a few pirates, couldn't they?

Jenna stared in disbelief at her brother, who was lying on the floor and weakly grasping at the tiller. "Felix, what are you doing? We're under attack by pirates. This is no time to be lying around and doing nothing!"

"Um..." Felix mumbled, looking dazedly up at her. "Can't you tell them to go away?"

Jenna stared at him some more, then her eyes narrowed. "Are you drunk?" she asked in a deadly calm voice. She couldn't believe he would do something so foolish as getting drunk on rum, when he was supposed to be sailing the ship.

There was no point in lying to Jenna. Even a drunk Felix knew that fact. He cast his eyes down, looking guilty. "Um... maybe."

Piers had come down from the mast now and he hurried over, looking at Felix with a concerned frown. "What's the matter? What are you doing lying down like that?"

"Felix is drunk!" Jenna stormed, turning around to face Piers. Her mood only worsened when she saw the pirates launching anchors onto the side of the ship. "Of all the stupid and completely moronic things to do..."

"You got drunk sailing my ship?" Piers exclaimed, looking at Felix with a shocked expression. "How could you do something so irresponsible?"

"I didn't want to shail!" Felix wailed miserably. "I only had one mug of rum anyway!"

"Don't worry, guys!" Isaac staggered to his feet, flailing his arms. "I'm Isaac the Pirate King and I'm ready for anything!" He let out a loud burp and giggled. "Whoops. Pardon me."

The pirates were now sliding across the ropes and were in the process of jumping onto the deck. Jenna ground her teeth, calmly resisting the urge to burn each and every one of them to a cinder. Maybe there wasn't any need for wanton violence, yet. Perhaps they could talk things through calmly.

"Cool, real pirates." Garet stared at them in awe. "I've always wanted to see real pirates."

"We are pirates!" Isaac cried out.

"I thought we were just playing pirates?" Garet asked, looking confused.

"Are we? I dunno..." Isaac murmured, swaying on the spot. "Um... what do we do now?"

"Come on, Isaac!" Garet jumped to his feet, somewhat awkwardly. "We have to fight them!"

The pirates on the opposing ship had managed to place a wooden plank across by now and everyone watched on as a man with a white beard walked across the plank. At the end of it, he stopped and his gaze swept across everybody.

"I am Captain Snowbeard of The Pride of Hades!" the pirate declared proudly. "Who is the captain of The Happy Raider?"

"It is not called The Happy Raider!" Piers snapped. "I happen to be the captain of this ship, no matter what anybody else might tell you." He shot a look at Isaac.

Isaac stepped forward, stumbling as he did so. "I'm Isaac the Pirate King!" he shouted.

Captain Snowbeard threw his head back and chortled. "This drunken child standing before me is the Pirate King? How ridiculous. So you are supposed to be the one who defeated Deadbeard? Heh. I never thought I'd get to meet the new Pirate King. What an opportunity this is. It is my chance to defeat the Pirate King and claim the title for myself. I will also be claiming this ship and everything on it. Isn't that right, mateys?"

"Aye!" the pirates chorused, waving their cutlasses threateningly.

"Um, is there a chance that we could maybe talk this through?" Piers asked hesitantly. He wasn't keen on seeing his ship get overrun by pirates in the least.

The pirates just advanced, wearing evil grins on their faces.

"Looks like we're going to have to use violence." Jenna seemed a little too happy about that fact. "Come on then!" She stepped forward, looking threateningly at the pirates.

A couple of pirates looked at her, then exchanged glances.

"Oh come on now, we can't fight a pretty girl like you," one of the pirates said, laughing. "Why don't you just go and sit down like a good little girl while we rob the ship?"

"No way!" Jenna cast Dragon Fume, leaving the pirates crispy and smoking, both of them appearing stunned. Then they ran back across the plank, crying and screaming.

"Mommy!"

"That's no girl, that's a demon!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A DEMON?" Jenna raged.

"Jenna, calm down. You can't lose your temper in the midst of a battle," Piers said quickly. He looked over at his shoulder at Felix, who was still lying on the floor. "I take it that you aren't going to join us."

"I'd really like to, but..." Felix moaned. This really was a bad time to be drunk. He shifted into a sitting position, resting against the wall. "I guess I'll just watch." It would just be foolish to fight in this condition and he knew that.

Piers sighed and turned around, casting Megacool on some more pirates. It looked like they were going to have to fight harder than usual, especially when some of their strongest fighters were drunk right now. His ship was at stake here and they couldn't afford to slack off.

Ivan and Sheba were up as well, weapons at the ready. They hurried over to Isaac and Garet.

"Are you two really okay to battle?" Sheba asked. "Maybe you should sit this one out."

"Yeah, you are kind of drunk after all." Ivan nodded.

"I'm fine!" Garet yelled, bunching up his fists as he looked at the pirates. "I'll just burn them all to a crisp. It's so easy, I could do it in my sleep."

"I hope he doesn't burn the ship down," Ivan whispered to Sheba, looking petrified.

"Don't worry, we have Mia and Piers after all. Let's help them out anyway." Sheba looked at Isaac. "Hey, Isaac, what about you? You sure you can fight?"

"I'm the Pirate King." Isaac swayed unsteadily. "I have to."

"Oh yeah, they definitely need our help." Ivan exhaled heavily, closing his eyes for a second. "Okay, let's go!"

Ivan and Sheba proceeded to cast Spark Plasma on the pirates in succession. Garet actually managed to burn a few of them, though it wasn't hard when he was sending waves of fire everywhere. The poor Jupiter Adepts actually had to dodge a plume of fire that accidentally went over their heads. Isaac stood there, looking clueless for a few moments, before casting Earthquake. Alcohol really wasn't having too good an effect upon him.

Mia decided to see what was going on, so she got up and walked out to the deck. She could see Garet throwing fire all over the place, Isaac standing and looking confused, and Felix just sitting down. It seemed only Jenna, Piers, Ivan and Sheba were capable of fighting, in which case she would have to help out after all. So she sneaked up behind some pirates and hit them with an Ice Missile, causing them to scream and run back to the pirate ship in terror.

Eventually, there were no pirates left except for Captain Snowbeard, who looked stunned. "I can't believe this. My crew has been reduced to quivering wimps! This will not do. I shall take you down, Isaac, and claim the title of Pirate King!"

"Everyone stay back!" Isaac stepped forward clumsily. "This is my battle."

"Aww. No more burning?" Garet looked disappointed. "I like burning."

"Isaac, you can't!" Sheba exclaimed, looking horrified. "You are in no condition to be fighting him."

"I have to," Isaac mumbled, clumsily fumbling around his back as he tried to get a hold of the Sol Blade. "Wait a minute."

"You have no time left!" Captain Snowbeard loomed over him, raising his cutlass and grinning as he prepared to strike Isaac down. Then a clock appeared before him, the hands quickly revolving around before it disappeared. The captain became perfectly still, his body shimmering with a grey aura.

"I cast Halt!" Ivan whispered to Isaac. "Hurry up and strike him down."

"Is that allowed?" Isaac shook his head and shrugged. What did it matter? It would be much easier to hit the foe if he wasn't moving, wouldn't it? He finally managed to remove the Sol Blade from its sheath and held it unsteadily. It let out a howl and cast Megiddo.

Captain Snowbeard was sent flying into the sea by the force of the attack and floundered about on the waves, screaming. He had no idea what had just happened, seeing as he had been frozen in place when the attack had hit him.

"Captain Snowbeard!" the pirates cried, throwing down ropes for him to climb up. While they were busy, Piers ran up and cut the ropes that were anchoring the pirate ship to his.

"Now would be a great time to cast Teleport," he said loudly.

"Oh yeah. I've got the Teleport Lapis," Sheba spoke up. "Back to Vale, then?"

Captain Snowbeard had just got back up onto his ship when he and his pirates saw the Lemurian ship disappear right before them. They stared in shock at the empty space in the sea, wondering just how that could have happened.

Now the ship was outside Vale. The tired Adepts walked off the ship and into the village, standing together in the plaza. There were just no words for what had happened today.

"Oh yeah! Today was so awesome!" Isaac broke the silence. "I totally kicked pirate ass today. I'm not Isaac the Pirate King for nothing!" He chortled.

"Come on, Isaac." Garet took hold of him and started pulling him away. "Let's get you home."

The other Adepts stared, looked at each other in speechlessness then went their separate ways. They really had nothing to say. Playing at pirates was a crazy experience indeed.


End file.
